If you really knew me according to who?

So this topic has been pretty popular lately on those big girl blogs you know like Ravens or maybe this little mess I don't know if you have heard of them but they kinda rock my world. Anyway I loved their posts so I thought "Hey maybe I will try that out". So I started writing, when I should have been working... but then I got stuck. So I e-mailed my best friend you know this girl that I often talk about: 

Best friends for years and years!

And she didn't disappoint. So I thought you know what, who better to tell you what you would know about me so here it is " If  your really knew me thru the eyes of my best friend" Sarah's in black I added some side notes in red! 

If you really knew Ashley according to Sarah

God, I could write a novel.... If people REALLLY knew you... They would first of all know that you LOVE food.... Like REALLLYY love it. (yeah that's true I think I may have  mentioned that) They would know that your drink of choice is Vitamin R (cheap Rainier Beer). They might even know that when you consume large amounts of Vitamin R that you turn wildly inappropriate.(me inappropriate? Never. I am such a lady) You are an extremely good writer. Your vocabulary is exceptional. (well thanks love) You always know what to say to make someone feel better....  or worse if you've got a wild hair up your ass...(yikes I will work on that...) If someone offends you... or God forbid... one of your close friends.... Shit is about to get real. And fast.(you bet your ass it is!) Its almost impossible to be serious around you.... and when there are serious moments... they typically don't last long and are followed by bursts of laughter. ( I think that's an "us" thing, we just can't stop laughing) You are "REALLLYY" sarcastic. ("oh reaaaalllly?" said in my best bridesmaid imitation voice) You also really love your family... even if they drive you crazy.... And I'm sure there is plenty more... But Dr. Brian keeps creepin behind me... Can't he see I'm busy?? So there you have it kids, this is me straight from my best friends mouth. A girl who has lived with me, held my hair while I puked, laugh, cried, and fought with me. A girl who has watched me in the best of times and stood by me in my hour of need. A girl who I can always count on to make me laugh and to be up for any adventure. If only she was a dude I might consider marriage again. Love ya kitten, stay classy! So what would your best friend say about you? I can't wait to hear it! Love ya Nuggets!

A Gay Bar, Zoo, and some alligator...

I had a wild weekend. It was quite the adventure. I am still trying to catch up on the missed sleep. I mean who else can say they went to a gay bar, a zoo, and then sealed the deal with eating alligator along with 75 thousand other things... oh that's right its me. Just me. So instead of writing about how awesome it was I will just show you about 800 photos instead. Lets do it to it. (I am so thug its unbelievable)

Loved this Drag Queen, I also love that he asked Dane if we were married!!! Riiight....

Never too old for the Zoo!

Oh  Bite of Seattle, I was soo happy to see you, coconut shrimp, crab cakes, and lumpia!

Pancit and chicken skewers, not to mention deep fried mac and cheese!

My encounter with Gator and my fabulous faces.

A day with my best friend is best spent creeping on horses and watching men flag people with gator skewers.

And then I fell in love with this mans dog. No really I loved him.

So that was my weekend, and thank goodness by some miracle I wasn't hungover after drinking all day on Sunday. It was real questionable for a moment though.

Love ya Nuggets!

The only reason to keep up with the Kardashians

So I will admit that every once in awhile I totally get sucked into watching Keeping up with the Kardashians. I hate it. I hate that they are famous for doing nothing. I mean besides a few sex tapes, divorces, marriages etc. But honestly what is sooo great about this family? Nothing. Except "dat ass" as Kanye might say.


So why is it soo easy to get sucked in to a marathon of KUWTK? I'll tell you why. Scott Disick. God I love that prick. He is the only shining light of amazingness on that show. Well and Kourtney. I like Kourtney. To hell with the rest of those lunatics. Poor Bruce Jenner. I don't know what that guy was thinking. Well obviously he doesn't make the best life choices...aka his plastic surgeons. Too far? Sorry....


Anyway let me give you some examples of why Scott is the best part of this show and I love him dearly.

• “Where is she going? to clean her placenta”
• Kris Jenner: “Don’t you think that you need to date someone younger than Kourtney?”
  Scott: “Are you trying to hook me up with Kendall and Kylie?
• Kourtney: I think a little discretion goes a long way Scott: I agree, but I think you already know what goes a long way. And that's my genitalia.
• Scott (to the mother of his son, Kourt): Suck me dry, beautiful

So thanks Scott because even though you might be a bit of a tool at least you are hilarious and kind of a snappy dresser even.

Peace out Nuggets!

A few of my favorite things

There are a few activities that I find important enough to devote an entire day to. I have hobbies and of course like every girl love to spend time with my friends, family and adorable little pooches. But there are some past times that I think deserve a whole day to themselves every once in awhile. Let me explain…

           

  First of all I love to nap. Oh how glorious do naps make you feel? And I am not talking about one of those baby catnaps. I am not talking about one of those 20-minute power naps. I am talking about the kind of nap where you dream, the kind of nap where you have to redo your hair and makeup. I mean the kind of nap that requires pajamas and a cuddly blanket. I really, really value a good nap. I find it to be highly rewarding and also rejuvenating. I find that after a real good nap I am in a delightful mood. I find myself more tolerant of others, more patient and very, very hungry.

            

Which leads me to my next point that eating is something that I think should be taken very seriously. I believe in choosing meals based on mood and desire. Hence why I might eat a cookie for breakfast, a breakfast burrito for dinner you just never know with me. I do not believe in eating based distinctly on nutritional value or need. I eat because it is delicious; I choose what I eat because it will change my mood and make me happy. When I am mad I eat. When I am sad I eat. When I am happy I eat. The only time I do not eat is when I am sleeping or when I am sick. If I could eat and sleep at the same time I would. And trust me the fact that I cannot eat when I am sick makes me incredibly angry.

My first oysters, sooo good!

My Cheesy bread partner. Its a competition every year who can eat the most. I almost always win.

            

My favorite breakfast burrito

Day drinking. I prefer day drinking to night drinking. There are many occasions when day drinking is appropriate and almost necessary. For instance camping, you must day drink at least one day during a camping trip. Also tailgating, I highly enjoy day drinking while tailgating because generally this involves a fierce game of flip cup or beer pong. It may even include a flabongo which ifyou have never tried I suggest. Of course there are BBQ’s another great reason for day drinking where you also get to do the afore mentioned, eat. Las Vegas is always a wonderful reason for day drinking because well you can do anything in Vegas! 

At  Classy wine tasting in Texas for my birthday!

Happy hour don't mind if I do!

Cinco De Mayo with fancy Coronas!

 So my little Nuggets what is it that you so very much enjoy? I would love to hear from ya!

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Friday,

 I feel as though you would never get here, but here you are. Such a great improvement from Monday and I can't wait for you to continue to get better and better.

Dear Kidneys, 

You suck. I am mad at you. I know I need you but if you are going to disrupt my life you have gots to go. Anyone wanna give me a new set? No...?

Dear Rooskey and Bella, 

Thank you for loving and cuddling your mamma when she was sick all week. You are the best two fur babies in the whole wide world. 

Dear Hunter Hayes, 

You are a 20 year old sweet angel and I want nothing more than to marry you. I will be your beautiful mess. Just saying.

Dear Washington Weather, 

You have been fan freaking tastic. Gosh I love it when you are like this. I hope you stay warm and sunny for the 2 months and maybe if you are really feeling some mercy for me you will stick around for even longer.

Dear Ms. Marni, 

I love you, please pick your wedding colors so that we can pick out our bridesmaids dresses...just saying, not to be a bridesmaidzilla or anything my love!

Dear Seattle, 

THANK YOU. Thank you for creating a place where I can stuff my face all day long and not feel guilty. Bite of Seattle here I come.

Dear 7/11, 

This news I hear of a  "mashed potato machine" disturbs me. I mean Lord knows I love me some mashed potatoes but out of a vending machine? Get real, this isn't never never land grow up! Mashed potatoes should come from scratch or KFC. 

How bout you Nuggets what kinda plans do you have this weekend? Also have you joined the link up?

And then I died....No really.

I will admit it; I am a terrible blogger #badblogger. I went missing for a whole 3 days (and after such a successful job of telling you all how to be the best fisherwomen out there too). But I have an excuse; I was on the brink of death.  Quite literally I thought I was going to die. (Insert exasperated sigh) I know you guys must have been worried sick about me. 

So let me tell you the story of my near death experience and btw this is about to get a little up close and personal... (Remember when I said I was the most dramatic person ever…) 

Anyway so this is what happened: I woke up at about 5:30am on Monday morning and had to go potty like none other. So I ran my little self-up to the bathroom and much to my dismay felt all the terrible signs and symptoms of a urinary tract infection… Well no biggie I tend to get them kind of frequently so I went down to the store at 6 am and stocked up on cranberry juice and cranberry tablets. When I got to work I called over to the nurses’ station and asked if they could send a lab order down so I could leave a sample. All is well left my little sample at about 10am and was waiting for the nurse to call and say “yep you got yourself a UTI we will call in some antibiotics for you”. But no instead something quite different happened. 

At about 12 that day I found myself in the most agonizing pain I have ever felt in my entire life. Like seriously, the worst pain I have ever been in or could imagine. Thank goodness I work in a doctor’s office, I very quickly was ushered down to the doctor’s office where I left a second sample and was told that due to the location of my pain (lower abdomen) it was possible I could have a kidney stone. Imagine my horror.  Meanwhile I am in front of my coworkers trying not to cry because I am in so much pain and the doctor thinks I am “nervous”… ugh yeah because if I have to pass a kidney stone I am going to be one pist off woman you better believe it. So anyway he prescribes me some medication says if my pain persists I will need an ultrasound. He also tells me I need to go home. Well DUH! Anyway I work about 35 minutes away from where I live. There was no way I could drive. So I have to call my dad to come pick me up from work. As I am doing this my threshold finally breaks and I end up sobbing on the phone to my daddy about how I need to be picked up from work like a 4^th grader. How embarrassing.  So my dad has to come and pick me up with my step mom so that someone can drive my car home and take me to the pharmacy. 

At which point when I finally get home and get some medication pumping in my body I become useless. I literally laid on the couch for the remainder of the day. The good news is I am not dying. And I do not have a kidney stone. Just a REALLY bad kidney infection… the worst part besides all that pain is that I have to refrain from drinking while on my medication…WORST NEWS EVERY… And how come when you can't drink all you really want is a drink? Riddle me that batman. Anyway I guess a detox is in order before Watershed anyway. I am banking on an up and coming country star falling in love with me so I should be in my best of spirits.

In other more exciting news, I promise some sprucing up of this little ole blog is in the works boys and girls! How exciting!!! Also in the near future I think I might share with you guys why I think waxing is waaaay better than shaving. Pictures included in all. Well of my legs let’s keep it PG pervos. OH and this weekend is a little thing called “Bite of Seattle” Guess who can’t wait to get fat and take a nap this weekend???

Love ya Nuggets!

How to fish according to me

{A} Always bring enough snacks. It is essential. Gummies bears, jerky, chips, and pistachio's just to name a few.

{B} Backpack to carry all your handy tools and gadgets. And of course the above mentioned snacks.

{C} Coors light. Because its the water of beer and you have to stay hydrated.

{D} Don't forget the map or you'll spend 2 hours searching for the river.

{E} Essential clothing: Rubber boots or waders, camo hat, rain jacket, long johns, and sweat pants.

{F} FISH FISH FISH!

{G} Get Ready for a VERY long day.

{H} Heat source. No one likes to freeze to death.

{I} Iphone to entertain you during this VERY LONG day.

{J} Jackpak(camelbak filled with jack daniels and diet). This is non negotioable.

{K} Knight in shining armor to remove the fish from your hook.

{L} Layers upon layers upon layers of gloves.

{M} Music, although it may scare away the fish...

{N} Night vision goggles. Ok I am kidding but it would be freaking awesome!

{O} Optimal fishing spot. Find it in advance and tell no one!

{P} Pillow. Because a nap is essential to any fishing trip.

{Q} Quality company of course!

{R} Ranier as in the Vitamin R.  You can not be an expert fisherwoman with out a dose or 10 of vitamins!

{S} Sunglasses, preferrably designer, gotta look good while you are doin it!

{T} Toilet paper, enough said.

{U}  Unbelievable amounts of patience as you wait for the big one.

{V}Victory dance when you reel in the big sucker!

{W} Water, no really I wouldn't want you to get dehydrated.

{X} Xtra clothes, because lord knows you might fall in!

{Y} Yummy and delicious coffee to start the day off right

{Z} Zillions of pictures better be taken!