The many faces of Ashley or should I say Crashley.

I have this habit you might say, of making some pretty um… interesting faces.

I have this habit you might say, of making some pretty fantastic gestures.

I have this habit you might say, of having well no shame what-so-ever.

I have this habit you might say, of not caring enough how I might look 

to other people.

I have this habit you might say, of being too “in your face”.

I have this habit you might say, of being too honest too soon.

Wanna see what I mean?

So yeah, I pretty much love life and really take great pictures!

So this is crazy but...

Dear my beloved 38 followers,

I love you. I am sorry I have not been around to entertain you with hilarious stories of my unthinkable shenanigans or even update you regarding my binge eating. Waking up at 5 am has a way of making me one mean biznasty and since I have had to do that all week, train for my new position at work and been actually going to the gym I feel as though adulthood has taken advantage of me. Please be patient I promise I will be back very soon with an arousing tale or two!

Love you always my little Nuggets!

How to eat your way to happiness

I love food. 

It is like a common thread that binds people together. We break bread together; we spend our most treasured holidays eating. At parties we cook and prepare our guests favorite foods. It's what we do, it's how we bond with strangers and how we celebrate with the ones we love. 

I love food.

            

There are a few times that food is not my most favorite friend however.

 I know you are all shocked. 

One of these times is when I have the epic unstoppable stomach flu. Obviously I do not want to eat in a time like that. Also when I am utterly without a doubt heartbroken. I know this comes as an even bigger shock as generally speaking food is what I turn to in my time of need… But something about being completely heart broken makes food seem in adequate… 

And that just won’t do.

           

Here is what I suggest to those of you who are like me and find it unbearable to eat when you are hopelessly broken. 

Find and all you can eat buffet. 

I have found that when all else fails if I am faced with the option to eat until I can’t any longer something about that prospect opens the floodgates and I cannot be stopped. Something about eating brings comfort when we hurt. And when I have no appetite I am not only upset that I am hurting but now you have messed with my appetite too! NOT COOL!  So in order to get myself back on track I find it helpful to present yourself with a plethora of options and the ability to eat until you vomit.

          

  If this does not seem like it is up your alley I suggest eating anything that contains booze. You know like jello shots. Or my new personal favorite drunken a bear, that’s right drunken bears. I learned of these warlocks on Pinterest. You soak gummi bears in vodka for 3-5 days and then devour them. Um yes please! How could that not heal a broken heart? I highly suggest using delicious flavored vodka. I also highly suggest not eating the whole package.

  Well friends now that I have enlightened you in the ways that eating can heal a broken heart I feel like I have done my public duty for the day. Rest assured if you ever need a person to persuade you to eat way more than you should and not feel bad about yourself I am your gal!

Authentic delicious Mexican food usually does the trick

As does binge eating at lunch, yes all of that was mine.

Gravy, bacon, mac and cheese enough said. That's a plate full of comfort.

We all know how I feel about slutty cheese. It makes me happy.

And if all else fails fro-yo.

Well Nuggets after writing this I am 99% sure I will need to go binge eat. Then go to the gym and cry.

          

And here is the honest truth

I am caving and giving into the "If you really knew me post" as seen

here here oh and here....

Shall we nuggets?

If you really knew me...

You would know that 90% of the things I say are sarcastic.(this is

part of the 10% that is not)

You would know that if I could I would jump all over John Mayer and

show him whose body really is a wonderland...

You would know that I am TERRIFIED of snakes. Like

full-blown-phobia-throw-a-child-to-be-eaten-instead-of-me terrified.

Yes I would use a helpless child as a shield from a snake.

#sorryimnotsorry

You would know that I am a retired Facebook girl. If you don't know

what a Facebook girl is please go here to find out.

If you really knew me...

You would know that my heart is on my sleeve even if I like to act

like I am a tough cookie.

You would know that on the same hand this honeybadger don't take shit

from no one!

My birthday shirts, mine and my dads!

You would know that if I don't eat or sleep enough I turn into a full

blown psycho. Like I will murder someone. Get me to a buffet or a bed.

the leftover from Mexican buffet day

You would know that I am officially an over-sharer. I'll tell it all

to ya whether you want to know or not.

If you really knew me...

You would know that I ain't got no shame. If I gotta pee; I'm going. It

don't matter if I am in a parking lot, alley, street, woods etc. It's

happening so you better not be downhill.

You would know that I could recite the Notebook from memory, if I

can't sleep that's what I turn on.

You would know that I am a Bielber. #bieberfever

If you really knew me...

You would know that I hate wearing shoes at work. HATE IT. I am

barefoot unless I am going into a patient area.

You would know that I love from the tip of my toes right up to the

last hair on my head, if I fall for you its hard and without a second

thought. Getting there a different story.

You would know that I'd rather be in jeans and a t-shirt out in the

woods drinking a cold Vitamin R than out at a club or a bar.

And because I feel like this is getting ridiculously long and boring I

am ending here. I got SHIZZZ to do such as eat and lay in the sun.

Priorities people.

Yes in fact...

Tis Thursday again kiddos and let me tell ya what that means if you
don’t already know. It means the day has come where I admit all my
binge eating to the world and talk about how I need to be more
dedicated to health and fitness.

Yes, that is what day it is.

Yes, I ate half a bag of Doritos at my desk this week.
Yes, this weekend I went on a road trip where I ate Mexican food for
two meals and chips as the others.
Yes, I drank that god forsaken nectar of life beer even though I said
last week I would stop drinkin it.
Yes, I did all of those things.

But…

Yes, I did go to the gym three days in a row!
Yes, I did log over 12 miles at the gym in those 3 days!
Yes, I did even wake up at 5 am to go to said gym one morning this
week. (Yes, I was very unhappy and yes I drank an extreme amount of
coffee to get through the rest of the day)
Yes, working out truly did improve my patience/attitude at work.
Yes, I hated it while I was there but felt great after.
Yes, I did make a promise to a friend to check in before every workout
and be sure to send a picture of my sweaty self-afterwards as a way to
be held accountable!
Yes, said friend did call me at 5:15am to ensure that I had in fact
gotten out of bed to get my ghetto booty to the gym. (That’s a good
friend you might say)


Yes, this feels good!

How bout the rest of ya? How are you doing on your journey to fitness?

The perks of being single

I have always been the kind of girl who is "with someone". I can't honestly remember a time where I went longer than a month or two without being in some sort of relationship. Whether it was a full fledge exclusive thing or just seeing/hanging out with someone I have ALWAYS been involved.
I see this as a flaw of mine. And it was never because I felt like I NEEDED to be with someone. Maybe I am just too big of a flirt and believe that you never will know what you really want in a partner if you don't try different things.

Exhibit A the ex husband 

  

Exhibit B an ex boyfriend from highschool

Exhibit C the heart breaking ex...

You get the picture....

I don't consider myself to have a "type". I am attracted to a vast array of looks, senses of humor, style etc. I almost never say no to a first date, unless you are straight out a creeper or I know you are shady as all get out...
Maybe thats why I have been on SOOO many blind dates.
I guess I always look at it as a free meal one way or the other! (Does that make me a bad person or just a secret fatty?)

Anyway my point it that for the first time in as long as I can remember I have been unattached since March.

At first of course I was heartbroken (to the say the least) after a pretty rough break up with someone I was starting to really fall for the last thing I wanted or needed was a relationship. I am a firm believer of getting back on the horse so I tested the water went on a few dates and still continue to go out on dates from time to time.

But I know in my heart I am not ready for a relationship. I am still hurt deeply by my last actual boyfriend. I am still healing.

But for the first time I am totally okay with the fact that I am alone. That I am completely unattached.

I am okay.

In fact I am completely terrified of the idea of being in a relationship right now. The mere thought of it sends me into a panic. My chest tightens, my smile turns into a tight lipped frown, my scowl lines become etched on my face. Its bad. Real bad.

But its okay. Its okay that I am 25 almost 26 and I am alone.

In fact its pretty fantastic because I get to do whatever I want.
I want to come home and do absolutely nothing? Awesome. Done.
I want to watch chick flicks all night long? No prob who is stopping me?
I wanna hop in the car and drive three hours to the middle of no where with my best friend just because we wanna get away? Perfect what time do we leave?
I want to wear my ratty sweats with no bra and no make up all day long? Who cares!
I love that! I love that for once in my life it is all about me. Its all about what I want, when I want it and I have no guilt.
I am free to do as I wish and it is a beautiful thing.
Do I miss that man that I was falling head over heels for? Absolutely. 
Do I miss how incredibly happy I was when we were together? All the time. 
Do I miss having a companion? With my whole heart.

What I don't miss is being with someone who wasn't real with me. 
I don't miss being with someone who wasn't honest with me about how they felt when thats all I ever expected.

So being free? It ain't so bad. I know my time will come when a man walks into my life and takes my breath away. He will sweep me off my feet and I will be overcome with happiness in his presence.

For now though, I think I will take this single train downtown. I mean if I had a boyfriend would I get to go on crazy adventures with this lady that lead us to a tiny middle of no where farm town? Probably not and I wouldn't trade it for the world!

So this is me saying to anyone else out there that is terrified, has had their heart broken, is waiting for Mr. Amazingly Right instead of Mr. I-had-to-settle, its okay we are alone. In fact its pretty fantastic!

Love ya nuggets!

Oh hello Monday you dirty bish...

Why is Monday such an awful day?
Why does Monday feel the need to walk up to you and slap you in the face after throwing her lemon drop on your favorite top?
Why does Monday feel the need to point out all your weaknesses and as if that's not enough do it in front of a hot dude?
I need to know Monday WTF is your problem?
I mean what have I EVER done to you?
I wake up; I go to work I try to do my adult duties and responsibilities but you make it REALLY hard when you are smack talking and throwing sucker punches all damn day!
I want to be friends. I want to be able to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed happily greeting you with a cup of coffee and a fresh scone but every time I do you spit that very same coffee all over my khaki pants and throw that scone up all over my desk.
It's just rude.
To be quite honest I am pretty damn sick of your bad attitude Monday.
I am thinking a break might just be in order.
Tuesday seems like it is a pretty legit gal.
A real gem if you ask me.
She holds promise and a sparkle in her eye.
You Monday... you hold nothing but dark despair and a look of pure evil.
Almost like looking into the eyes of Lucifer himself.
Tuesday? Tuesday welcomes me with open arms.
She says to me "Don't worry about that Bish Monday, she is just jealous of Friday and Saturday. 
They used to be best friends but they had a falling out."
Tuesday accepts me and all my requests.
Tuesday it gentle and kind.
I can't wait for Tuesday.
Once Tuesday comes to my door that means I don't have to tango with that dirty Bish Monday for another 6 days.
So you know what Monday, you may be a dirty Bish but I am one crazy Bish and I will not let you bring me down.
You may have won the battle this time Monday but next week you are in for one hell of a fight.

Peace out Nuggets I gotta get myself to bed so I can wake up in Tuesdays gentle arms.