And than Wisdom slapped me in the face

A little wisdom goes a long ways.
I seem to be in a reflective mood. 
Here are a few faves from my pinterest boards!

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Everything a man could ever want

I have some friends that are currently deployed and I like to send them delicious baked goods and other treats from time to time. 

Now I am not a baker. 

I don't even actually like to bake but because I respect and appreciate what those men sacrifice so that I can sit at home and blog, eat, nap and plain do anything I like, I take the time to make delicious treats and send em on over. 

Not to mention I was threatened that since I sent packages once every other week last deployment (because I was "dating" one of them) I better be sending delicious treats this deployment as well. 

All I can say is thank god for pinterest.

 Seriously.

 Last deployment I did a magical Thanksgiving themed package filled with pumpkin cream cheese muffins and pumpkin spice scones with maple drizzle glaze. 

Sounds fantastic and was all in all pretty easy. 

This time around the "ultimate brownie". 

I prefer to call these "slutty brownies". 

Why? 

Because it has everything a man could want and its pretty cheap. 

Let me explain.

This is not an ordinary brownie. It is the brownie of all brownies. You know the head cheerleader who can have any guy she wants kind of brownie. Or perhaps the kind of brownie who only has to flip her hair or drop her pen and all the boys go running. This is that kind of brownie. What makes this brownie the brownie that all other brownies dream they could be? Layers. Layers upon layers of amazingness...

Layer 1- Chocolate Chip Cookie

Layer 2- Oreos

Layer 3- Peanut butter

Layer 4- Brownie batter

And now you know. So go ahead drool over my brownies. And to all of my lovely followers who are about to flip out because I am on a fitness journey? Rest assured I went to the gym ran 3 miles came home ate a delicious lean steak and then made these brownies and didn't eat a single bite. That my friends is will power.

And that my friends is a slutty brownie.

 Well Nuggets I am off to package and seal this little deal so it can be on it's merry way across the world!

The many faces of Ashley or should I say Crashley.

I have this habit you might say, of making some pretty um… interesting faces.

I have this habit you might say, of making some pretty fantastic gestures.

I have this habit you might say, of having well no shame what-so-ever.

I have this habit you might say, of not caring enough how I might look 

to other people.

I have this habit you might say, of being too “in your face”.

I have this habit you might say, of being too honest too soon.

Wanna see what I mean?

So yeah, I pretty much love life and really take great pictures!

So this is crazy but...

Dear my beloved 38 followers,

I love you. I am sorry I have not been around to entertain you with hilarious stories of my unthinkable shenanigans or even update you regarding my binge eating. Waking up at 5 am has a way of making me one mean biznasty and since I have had to do that all week, train for my new position at work and been actually going to the gym I feel as though adulthood has taken advantage of me. Please be patient I promise I will be back very soon with an arousing tale or two!

Love you always my little Nuggets!

How to eat your way to happiness

I love food. 

It is like a common thread that binds people together. We break bread together; we spend our most treasured holidays eating. At parties we cook and prepare our guests favorite foods. It's what we do, it's how we bond with strangers and how we celebrate with the ones we love. 

I love food.

            

There are a few times that food is not my most favorite friend however.

 I know you are all shocked. 

One of these times is when I have the epic unstoppable stomach flu. Obviously I do not want to eat in a time like that. Also when I am utterly without a doubt heartbroken. I know this comes as an even bigger shock as generally speaking food is what I turn to in my time of need… But something about being completely heart broken makes food seem in adequate… 

And that just won’t do.

           

Here is what I suggest to those of you who are like me and find it unbearable to eat when you are hopelessly broken. 

Find and all you can eat buffet. 

I have found that when all else fails if I am faced with the option to eat until I can’t any longer something about that prospect opens the floodgates and I cannot be stopped. Something about eating brings comfort when we hurt. And when I have no appetite I am not only upset that I am hurting but now you have messed with my appetite too! NOT COOL!  So in order to get myself back on track I find it helpful to present yourself with a plethora of options and the ability to eat until you vomit.

          

  If this does not seem like it is up your alley I suggest eating anything that contains booze. You know like jello shots. Or my new personal favorite drunken a bear, that’s right drunken bears. I learned of these warlocks on Pinterest. You soak gummi bears in vodka for 3-5 days and then devour them. Um yes please! How could that not heal a broken heart? I highly suggest using delicious flavored vodka. I also highly suggest not eating the whole package.

  Well friends now that I have enlightened you in the ways that eating can heal a broken heart I feel like I have done my public duty for the day. Rest assured if you ever need a person to persuade you to eat way more than you should and not feel bad about yourself I am your gal!

Authentic delicious Mexican food usually does the trick

As does binge eating at lunch, yes all of that was mine.

Gravy, bacon, mac and cheese enough said. That's a plate full of comfort.

We all know how I feel about slutty cheese. It makes me happy.

And if all else fails fro-yo.

Well Nuggets after writing this I am 99% sure I will need to go binge eat. Then go to the gym and cry.

          

And here is the honest truth

I am caving and giving into the "If you really knew me post" as seen

here here oh and here....

Shall we nuggets?

If you really knew me...

You would know that 90% of the things I say are sarcastic.(this is

part of the 10% that is not)

You would know that if I could I would jump all over John Mayer and

show him whose body really is a wonderland...

You would know that I am TERRIFIED of snakes. Like

full-blown-phobia-throw-a-child-to-be-eaten-instead-of-me terrified.

Yes I would use a helpless child as a shield from a snake.

#sorryimnotsorry

You would know that I am a retired Facebook girl. If you don't know

what a Facebook girl is please go here to find out.

If you really knew me...

You would know that my heart is on my sleeve even if I like to act

like I am a tough cookie.

You would know that on the same hand this honeybadger don't take shit

from no one!

My birthday shirts, mine and my dads!

You would know that if I don't eat or sleep enough I turn into a full

blown psycho. Like I will murder someone. Get me to a buffet or a bed.

the leftover from Mexican buffet day

You would know that I am officially an over-sharer. I'll tell it all

to ya whether you want to know or not.

If you really knew me...

You would know that I ain't got no shame. If I gotta pee; I'm going. It

don't matter if I am in a parking lot, alley, street, woods etc. It's

happening so you better not be downhill.

You would know that I could recite the Notebook from memory, if I

can't sleep that's what I turn on.

You would know that I am a Bielber. #bieberfever

If you really knew me...

You would know that I hate wearing shoes at work. HATE IT. I am

barefoot unless I am going into a patient area.

You would know that I love from the tip of my toes right up to the

last hair on my head, if I fall for you its hard and without a second

thought. Getting there a different story.

You would know that I'd rather be in jeans and a t-shirt out in the

woods drinking a cold Vitamin R than out at a club or a bar.

And because I feel like this is getting ridiculously long and boring I

am ending here. I got SHIZZZ to do such as eat and lay in the sun.

Priorities people.

Yes in fact...

Tis Thursday again kiddos and let me tell ya what that means if you
don’t already know. It means the day has come where I admit all my
binge eating to the world and talk about how I need to be more
dedicated to health and fitness.

Yes, that is what day it is.

Yes, I ate half a bag of Doritos at my desk this week.
Yes, this weekend I went on a road trip where I ate Mexican food for
two meals and chips as the others.
Yes, I drank that god forsaken nectar of life beer even though I said
last week I would stop drinkin it.
Yes, I did all of those things.

But…

Yes, I did go to the gym three days in a row!
Yes, I did log over 12 miles at the gym in those 3 days!
Yes, I did even wake up at 5 am to go to said gym one morning this
week. (Yes, I was very unhappy and yes I drank an extreme amount of
coffee to get through the rest of the day)
Yes, working out truly did improve my patience/attitude at work.
Yes, I hated it while I was there but felt great after.
Yes, I did make a promise to a friend to check in before every workout
and be sure to send a picture of my sweaty self-afterwards as a way to
be held accountable!
Yes, said friend did call me at 5:15am to ensure that I had in fact
gotten out of bed to get my ghetto booty to the gym. (That’s a good
friend you might say)


Yes, this feels good!

How bout the rest of ya? How are you doing on your journey to fitness?