Weekend Shenanigans V.1

I am finally taking the plunge and linking up with the beautiful and inspiring Sami for weekend shenanigans!

So lets get started nuggets! This weekend was quite relaxing! I did so much of nothing! So nice right? I haven't mentioned it yet but I decided it was time to start watching what I eat last week after I stepped on the scale and realized I had gained 15+ pounds over the last month. Anyway this was my first weekend trying to stick to my new found diet. BTW I started weight watchers last Wednesday and I must say I LOVE IT. Yes me. Fatty mcfat fat loves a diet. Anyway I was really concerned because generally the weekend consists of a high amount of booze consumption which is bound to eat up my points in no time! But guys, I did it. I didn't go over my points once this whole weekend! In fact I was under! I know!!!!

Anyway, I came home from work on Friday feeling like I just walked off the battle field. I swear you guys I hate complaining about my job but it has been soul crushing lately. So I came home ate a snack and put myself to bed. Seriously. I took a nap. It was great I woke up and whipped up a very healthy meal for the step mom and I! We had grilled portobella mushroom sandwiches with black beans and a salad. So delicious! Then I put myself back to bed. Wild I know.


Saturday consisted of making some moola at the family garage sale and also hitting the farmers market with my dearest Sarah. We took the pups with us and meandered around! It was such a beautiful day and I couldn't of loved it anymore than I did!

I came home and helped dad at the garage sale a little more and then prepped myself for an evening out to celebrate my brother in laws 34th birthday! We were off to the races and by that I mean go-kart racing!! It was soooo much fun I can't wait to do it again.

The only downside is that all my sisters friends are married. On the way home I was asked "Why are you still single". Ouch. Hmm well I dunno because relationships suck the life out of me and terrify me. My actual answer was because I am a psycho path and I can't be in relationships and not act crazy. Of course then the whole story of my marriage and my last boyfriend had to be explained. And as much as I hate talking about that whole deal I had this revelation. I refuse to settle. I refuse to just pursue someone for the sake of a relationship. I want crazy, unearthing, mad, all consuming, head over heels, can't breathe without you kind of love. I won't settle. I have been hurt too much to ever settle, to ever take shit I don't deserve. I took my share and from here on out if I am not treated like a goddess I wont have it, but even more importantly if he doesn't make me want to treat him like a king there is no hope for it. So yeah a good revelation I would say.

Sunday I woke up picked up my nieces from my moms house and met my sister at church. God is so good you guys. He spoke straight to my heart. He convicted me, reminded me and replenished me. Then I went to heaven on earth, Bed Bath and Beyond. I got lost in trinkets and gadgets!!! And then I napped my heart out!!!

Facts of life

Not like the show, like the facts of life that I find to be important. The rules of living life like a total badass if you will. Because I basically wrote the book on living like a badass obviously.

1. The truth is always, always, always better than a lie. No matter what the truth is. Even if it is heart breaking, soul crushing. The truth is better. Period.

2. Day drinking is an actual hobby. A effing hobby people. I actually don't trust anyone who doesn't day drink. It is suspicicous if you don't enjoy a mid day cocktail from time to time. And I don't trust anyone who doesn't enjoy a nap either. Its just criminal.

3. Find someone who gets you. That you can be disgustingly honest with. That can call you out on your shit and you don't get offended or if you do you know its just because they love your face off. I don't care if its your best friend, boyfriend, husband, best friends mother or your kids. Just find them because they will be the one person that will stick by your side even when you can't stand yourself.

 4. When all else fails a waterfall will make you feel better. They are majestic. Evidence below.

5. If you don't like football it is unamerican.

6. Hunter Hayes is a babe. That is all

 7.  Bacon cures all.

 8. Puppy snuggles make life complete. Without them you only have half a heart.

9. Never and I mean NEVER work on your birthday. It is a cardinal sin. I think it is in the bible some where.

 10. Roller blading is a true sport. Blade is out suckers.

11. To be a true badass you must have a shower beer at least once a month.

11. Sorority sisters are the best friends a girl could have. They aren't those stereotypical girls. I didn't buy my friends. These are the loves of my life.

12. If you are having a bad day you just need to watch will boy and get it out.

And that my chicken nuggets is how to be a real bad ass.

Lets talk dream jobs and a blogger date

I used to come to work every day and be happy to be here. I used to love my job. I used to love my company.
That was before the switch.
Before the launch of the "new" software.
The software that has turned my job from pleasant to a nightmare.
And I know I exaggerate a lot but this is not one of them.

Getting yelled at day after day from rude, ungrateful, unpleasant, inhumane people is really starting to get old.
I don't understand how one human can go around to another human and be so cruel and inconsiderate.
I think papa chuck said it best when he said that we have become a society of entitlement. Every one just thinks they are entitleted to treat people like garbage and still be treated like gold.

Thats not how it works in my life. I don't tolerate being treated like trash I did that for 5 years when I was married and I wont be doing it any where in my life. And Lord knows I am not paid nearly enough for the verbal and emotional beating I take at work every day.

So now what do I do? All I have known for the last 6 years is this. Coming to work to a doctors office and checking in patients and I actually enjoyed my job, I loved what I did and I am good at it.

Those days are gone. I am so exhausted, mentally, emotionally.

I just can't. I have cried so very many times in this last few weeks. It is turning me into a mean, bitter nasty person. I have no patience, I have no peace. I hate it. But I can't quit. I have to work I have to support myself so I am stuck in this nasty little trap. And I hate it.

So send me some prayers chicken nuggets because I need em to get through work these days.
Oh and PS Dani is coming next weekend YAY!!! I can't wait to frolick about with my blogger BFF!

Theories on being a MOH

So I have been honored with being asked to be the Maid of Honor (MOH) in one of my dearest friends weddings next summer.

I couldn't be more happy for two people than I am for these two. I have not a doubt in the world that they truly are meant for one another and that they will be happy together for the rest of their lives.

I mean honestly they have been together for 6 years have a dog, cat and own a house.

He has stuck by her side as she finished college, found a career, her parents moved across the country and unfortunatly the loss of her mother.

He is a saint and she is my most trustworthy friend. Someone that I love with my whole heart and would do anything for.

Here is the thing though I don't like being in weddings. It seems like a whole lot of work. And yes I am excited to stand next to this amazing couple as they pledge their lives to one another but I appreciate weddings for free food and free booze. I feel like being on the wedding party means I gotta lock it up. No one wants a drunk sloppy MOH.

So here are my theories on being a MOH:

1. Plan the most badass bacherolette party this planet has ever seen. Within reason of course. I ain't no millionare. So Trashley will be having one hell of a bash. I would like to make it several days long if possible but I just don't know if my liver will hold up honestly.

2. Help her pick out the most stunning dress. I plan on making sure this lady looks breath taking at all times. Not that it will be difficult homegirl is 5'6 and a size 5 so no trouble finding a dress that looks stellar but none the less I can't wait until she starts trying dresses!

3. Decorations!!!! I plan on decorating her car, her front door, her bridal suite her bathroom for godsakes! Trashley is the kind of gal who loves to decorate for holidays so this is a prefect opportunity to go buck wild and decorate anything and everything.

4. Most importantly I know that as incredibly happy Trashley is to be marrying her best friend; her heart is broken that her mother wont be by her side. It is my job to make sure that she knows and finds happiness and beauty in this day and also knows it is ok to be sad as well. This will be the hardest part of my job so any suggestions wold be greatly appreciated! I love this girl so much and the passing of her mother was so recent that my heart breaks that she wont be by her side.

Oh hey there

Oh hey....
It's me Ashley.
I am alive and kicking. You may have seen some of my random posts on Facebook, or perhaps the instagrizzy.
But Bloggin?
It has had to take a back seat to my actual job.
Rude. Software conversion has left me almost no time to blog stalk or blog for that matter.
Today I have found a moment.
So lets update shall we?

I recently went to Portland to visit my sorority big sis. Shenanigans ensued. Like big time.

A few weekends ago was our annual Kustom Kulture festival. Trashley and I usually run rampant on this weekend. It is slowly occuring to us that we are old. I know this is a fact because on Friday night we were in bed by 12:30 and on Saturday? 8:00. Yep  I just can't day drink like I used to.

My bestie from the time we were 16 and I have the best conversations ever. They truly do make my life a better thing.

This girl truly makes my days a little better a little easier and a whole lot more fun.



And this woman, we got her to have a cocktail. She never ever ever ever drinks.



And that kiddos is all I have time for but I promise as things get easier I will be better about keeping you updated!

EFF YOU PRINTER

You know what is a great way to return to your blog after a 2 week break?
A post about how much you hate you

r printer.

And I mean hate it.

My work printer that is.

Please entertain your office space imaginations right now.

Please picture me with a baseball bat beating the living ish out of a printer/copy/fax combo right now.

This is the sensor that broke and ruined my life today.

We good?

I'm not gonna lie this week has been the definition of frustrating.

Software update, electronic record transition you will be the end of me.

I am trying to stay positive and be a "team player" but I am finding it more and more difficult you guys.

Its hard to have more responsibility, higher expectations and be paid less than people who you work with.
I mean that in the fact that people who have worked here for years and years make more money than me.
However these same people aren't quite grasping our new system so well.
I don't mind taking on the extra responibility for work to make sure there is a smooth transition or to get the job done.
What I do mind is when my responsibilities and expectations are increased and people who make more money than me aren't expected to do what I do.
That is frustrating.

End rant kids.

Just call me Miranda

So a revelation was made at Wedding Wednesday.
Over a fine skype date with two of my favorite brides to be,  Ms. Marni and Trashley Shots, we discovered that I infact remind both of them of a little spit fire country singer named Miranda Lambert.

Why is this you may ask...

Because bitch be cray. And in case you are wondering so am I.
What are all of Miranda's songs about, being wild, being pist, being a man-hater, or getting piss drunk.
Well there I am.
Miranda's songs are essentially a recorded, sung version of my blog.

Let's discuss. Let's compare.

1. First Miranda has a song called "Mama's Broken Heart". It is a song about how her heart was broken and she goes bat shit cray and her mom just ain't gonna have it.

"I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors I screamed his name 'til the neighbors called the cops I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver Don’t know what I did next, all I know's I couldn’t stop"

Well... If that doesn't sound familiar I don't know what does. I can distinctly remember the time Michael broke up with me and I may or may not have had at least half a bottle of wild turkey 100% whiskey. Whoops....

2. Next Miranda has a song called "Fastest Girl In Town". She is basically talking about getting buckwild with a guy. Drinking, speeding and causing a ruckus...

"I'm feelin' frisky; You're feelin' good. I guess the whiskey Is doin' what it should"

Well don't mind if I do Miranda. Whiskey does make me quite friskey in fact.

3. One of my personal favorites by my girl Miranda "There's a Wall". Just listen to it please.

"You love me when you want to And you find reasons to fight Another lame excuse To keep the devil on you side You're trying hard to hide those scars That I've already seen Your beat up heart's not the only thing that's keeping you from me"

Well this essentially sums up my entire marriage to my ex husband. No biggie. I remember listening to this song on repeat when my ex was deployed. It explained exactly how I felt how he made me feel... it was a constant fight for his love... so happy to be where I am now and not in that position any more.

4. Now lets talk about the song "Guilty in Here". Just talkin about how hard it is to find a good man these days...

"'Cause the good ones all got wedding rings And the young ones are just too dumb And I don't think I have anymore room underneath my thumb Maybe after all the ends do justify the means Is it guilty in here or is it just me"

Hmm well... I don't know what to say here except AMEN SISTER!

5. Oh Miranda just cutting to my core with this one "More Like Her" is a perfect explanation of how I feel in oh I don't know every relationship in the history of everdom...

"You had it all for a pretty little while And some how you made me smile when I was sad You took a chance on a bruised and beaten heart And then you realized you wanted what you had I guess I should've been more like that"

Well said Miranda, well said.

So my point is basically Miranda is a wild little fiesty thing that isn't about to take no shit from anyone ever. Talk shit about her, no sir you are asking for a beat down if thats the case. Talk about her man? Prepare to meet that with a serving of ass kicking. Talk about her family, her music, her beliefs etc and she is gonna put you in your place. I love that about her and I also love that it is all packed in a fun size package. I love that she doesn't conform to the standards of fame and she eats and hunts and isnt a size 0. And she is damn proud to be an American. So I'd say if I am gonna remind my friends of someone I don't mind reminding them of Ole' Miranda. Nope I think I'll take that one to the bank Jack!