I've decided after much thinking that being an adult is in-fact not for me. It is however for the birds.
I can think back to this time when I was a teenager filled with angst, bitterness and, the belief that once I was an adult life would be so easy. That I would have a say and that I would have all the solutions to the problems that plagued my poor tortured 17 year old soul.
God. How naive. While I wouldn't necessarily jump back into my 17 year old life by any means I do wish that 17 year old me would have been a bit more carefree and a lot less of a cranky bitch.
Lets take a moment to discuss why being an adult is in fact for the birds and not for me.
First of all I have a serious problem with laundry. I am required to wear fancy pants to work. Those fancy pants find themselves on the floor within 3 minutes and 37 seconds of my arrival home. Which means that I have multiple outfits in one day that require washing. I just can't begin to fathom why I am 27 years old and I have yet to get to a point in my life where someone else does my laundry. Laundry is honestly killing my soul.
Next bone that I have to pick is with taxes. I mean explain to me how it is actually okay that the government gets to take some where between 500-700 dollars out of my paycheck every 2 weeks???? How is this fair!!! How is this just! Ugh it is just unbelievable and I can't. I can't deal with it. Every time I see it on my electronic pay stub I cringe. I literally feel ill.
Buying toilet paper, shampoo, face products, razors, etc. Nothing screams you are an adult quite like having to spend your hard earned money on wrinkle cream. It's the worst feeling in the world to fork over my hard earned money for toilet paper. I want to travel, shop for awesome clothes yet I have to budget for these shitty required items. I miss the days when toilet paper appeared in the cabinet, shampoo was purchased for me and appeared in the shower. I long for the days when laundry detergent flowed from its plastic spout freely like a waterfall in Hawaii. Those were the days.
I find myself excited over sales. No not the half yearly sale at Nordstroms. Not the semi annual sale at Vics. I am talking about when you find a sale on chicken. Or perhaps your favorite yogurt. This is what my life has come to. Excitement over sales at the grocery store.
I am quite literally outraged if I am kept up past 10:15 on work nights. There is no explanation needed for this. Just no that I will literally loose it, I mean go bat shit cray if you mess with my sleep cycle.
Paying rent/mortgage. Ugh the bane of my existence. It actually really grinds my gears to think about how much money leaves my bank account each and every month so that I can cook, sleep, and make sex in a house. I think about the travels that I could be taking, the adventures I could be going on, the good deeds I could be doing with that money and I think to myself, being an adult is a really shitty deal.
And now I am going to wash dishes, prepare my laundry for a riveting saturday at the laundry mat and, cringe as I use the last drop of my ridiculously over priced face products that promise to keep me young.