Monday, October 29, 2012

Hunted


I was hunted.
Automatic rifle in hand I was hunted.
But I guess that’s what happens when you dress up like a bunny.
Bugs bunny in fact.
I just couldn’t help the fact that Sarah wanted to hunt me down.
I mean look at those ears why not!
And then Waldo showed up.
He was trying to blend into the scenery.
And how about ole’ Ben.
He was certainly being hunted.
For being a huge duescher.
Duh.
So this is the day I was hunted.
And not by Hunter Hayes as I would have preferred.

Sarah was most likely scolding me.


My version of Bugs Bunny.



What a sweet faces we make.

I can't really explain what is happening.

We are officially drunk at this point.

Bugs and Elmer

Same face every picture.

And Sunday Funday the next day. Excellent.


Sunday, October 28, 2012

Not so happily ever after


So. As some of you may already know I wrote this little love letter to Hunter before our date a few Saturdays ago. I thought my letter was pretty clear and to the point. We are soul mates and meant to spend the rest of our lives together. I don’t know what part of that was unclear.
Some how Hunter was confused. Or distracted. I don’t know what happened but it was bad. The night I expected our souls to meet and never part didn't go as planned.
To start with Nebraska was playing Ohio State. I loathe Ohio State. It might have something to do with the friendly rivalry I have with a friend of mine. One way or the other each football season we place bets and trash talk each other until kickoff. And then all through kick off. And through out every play and down. Its extreme. So I knew that our pre function activities needed to take place somewhere that I could watch this precious game go down. So I thought to myself easy there is a sports bar just across the way from the venue. We entered and all I could see was a sea of red. But not my kind of red. To say I was enraged would be an understatement. The rebel in me wanted to plop myself down and start trash talking those buckeyes up and down the bar. But the better part of me realized this evening was not the night for a fight. I was wearing white pants after all. And the worst of it all? I couldn't even check scores inside the concert venue because they somehow managed to block my ability to tweet, instagram, facebook, blog, or browse the web. It was complete anarchy.
Then we got to the show. It was fabulous. My precious Ryan had done a fabulous job of being certain I was placed near a bar and a bathroom. It’s like he knows me so well. Kudos again to the best guy I know for getting me one absolutely fabulous birthday gift.
Then my friends my husband to be took the stage. I swear it’s like he was looking into my soul. Gosh I love him. I love him in a not a stalker kind of way. Like a I know we were meant to be kind of way.  Duh. SO I was filled with excitement at what this evening had in store for us. He sang all the usual songs to me and melted my heart. Then he left stage never to be seen again. I did my very best to convince the security representatives that I needed to see Hunter. They just didn't understand. It was ridic. But the good news is I had a fantastic time with one of my most favorite people on the planet. Someone who within days is leaving me completely.
So although Hunter and I didn't fall in love this time I am sure our time will come sooner rather than later. It’s only a matter of time. Can’t fight true love after all. 






Friday, October 26, 2012

A treehouse suckas


I want to live in a tree.
I want to live in a treehouse. Like BAD. Real bad.
But since I can’t instead I am headed off for an overnight adventure to one spectacular treehouse hotel.


Where I plan to frolic in the woods.
Climb my epic stair case to my house.
Roll around my loft.


Go for a full blown treasure hunt in the woods.
Pretend to be in the hunger games and shoot nerf guns and fake bow and areas at my treehouse companions.
Drink moonshine by the gallons.
Try not to plunge to a treacherous death as I navigate to the “outhouse” (something I am still not happy about)
Try not to get frustrated with going to said outhouse and instead pee off the deck of my treehouse.
Wake up in the morning wishing for death to come and take me because I will probably be so hung over.
So yeah I am going to a treehouse.

What are you doing? (please forgive my taunting attitude but c’mon how can I not)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

I have a child

The child that isn't really mine.
We all know how I feel about being a mom. 
So I have many reasons for this. 
About a million to be exact. 

But you want to know a really big one?
Because I was the devil in flesh as a child. I did all sorts of terrible things. 
Including but not limited to:
Calling 911 several times when I was around 4 for no reason at all but telling them that my mom had stopped breathing. 911 shows up and mom was normally folding laundry or doing dishes.
Kicking the screen door out of my window in order to sneak out of my room to go play at the ripe ole’ age of 4.
Mooning anything and anyone that breathed.
Peeing my pants like it was the thing to do. Sometimes even in the sand box.
Being brought home by the military police for trying to sell oreos out of a plastic baggy door to door.
All in all I should have been beat more as a small child I would say. (calm down all you liberals I don’t believe in actual child beating)

Anyway the point is I know what an awful little creature I was.
Why would I want to risk it and bring that pain down on myself?

 I don’t want to be in that world of hurt.
But I know someone who is. Her name is Tinisha. 
She is my sister. 
Not to be confused with Shaniqua.
 Yes my sister is my biological sister and yes my mom still tries to tell us my sisters name has no ethnic significance. 
She is high.
The point is somehow some way God reach into me grabbed one of my eggs and put it into my sisters uterus and BOOM she birthed my child.
Seriously. 
She birthed a miniature me.
 My niece is me born again.
She hates being told what to do.
She already uses sarcasm.
She bosses people like it is her job.
She refuses to be told what to wear.
She pee’s her pants on the reg.
She marches to the beat of her own drum.
And she does stuff like this:







Wednesday, October 24, 2012

If you just believe


If you just believe.
Well I didn’t think it was possible but Justin Bieber has managed to make me love him even more than I already did. He did it. What with his jazzy dance moves. His sweet special effects. Fireworks, lights, videos, and back up dancers! Oh my!  It was breath taking. How I adore that little boy. He is like a hero amongst the world of corrupt.  Although that little stunt about the stolen computer was completely unnecessary. I just can’t believe him. Anyway. To say I had the time of my life would be an understatement. So let me just include some very high quality a video for all you bielbers out there!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I suck at blogging.


Well it turns out I am an awful blog mom.  
In fact I apparently am the epitome of a badblogger. 
I just can’t seem to get myself to stay focused and ahead of the game.
Some reason coming home and putting on my footsie pajamas and curling up with a glass of wine calls my name after work. 
Staring at a computer screen for a fewhours after I just stared at one for 9 hours just doesn't sound like somethingthat I would enjoy. 
Not to mention I have been busy taking care of my highmaintenance fur baby. 
Let me tell you sometimes he drives me so insane I think I should find him a new home. 
At which point I want to punch myself square inthe throat because that’s stupid. 

Anyway enough about that.

Would you like to know what is happening in this little partof my world? Would ya chicken nuggets? 
Of course you do. Or you don’t I dunno at least like 30 of you do.

So my world. 
My world has consisted of a lot of work. 
I mean a lot. I travel for work. 
And by that I mean I drive within our region. 
Not the cool kind of I travel for work where I get to jet set from one cool city to another.
 I wish. 
In fact it’s my dream to be able to travel all over via jet for work. 
Now all of you start brainstorming how I can make that happen got it? 
So the last few weeks there have been times I am commuting something like 100 miles in a day for work. 
I just don’t appreciate that. 
Not when it is raining-side note I just took a call from a lady who was babysitting her granddaughter and she interrupted me to tell me her granddaughter was wearing potholders as shoes. Only grandparents could find something so simple so amazing. God bless grandparents I just adore them. 
Anyway what was I saying? 
Oh that’s right the rain is upon us. 
Which makes driving to work=miserable for life.
 But I will survive at least I get paid mileage right?
I have also been up to a lot of other things.
 Lots of them. 
But as any good blogger would do I thought I would make it into about 700 other posts so that you kids would keep coming back for more. 
We call that strategy in the biz.  
Because I am a biz professional obvi. 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

I've got a fever

And the only cure is more Bieber.
Thats right good ole' Justin is what the doctor ordered.
Do you have any idea how many months I have been waiting for this?
I'm about to be decked out in full Bieber attire screaming like a 13 year old love sick puppy for a 18 year old pop sensation.
Ever since I saw him move it and shake it in his hit film "Never Say Never" I just haven't been able to get enough of him.
It's like a disease.
A fever.
And the only cure is more Bieber.
So more Bieber I will get.
Think of me as I move it and shake it and scream like a wild animal all evening long ladies.
I just really hope he doesn't barf on stage this time...



Saturday, October 6, 2012

Dear Hunter Hayes

Dear Hunter Hayes,

You should know that come this evening at about 7:30 you will be madly in love. I don't mean to alarm you or anything but when you were here in May it was perfectly clear to me that we had a connection. A love connection. It's almost like we are soul mates. So lets just both admit it. We are meant to be. No need to fight it Hunter. No need at all. I understand you are "young". What with you just turning 21 and all but the truth is why wait to spend the rest of your life with your perfect match?


 I mean you are constantly singing to me about how you want to make me feel wanted, lets just cut to the chase. I get it I'm wanted, you're wanted, now lets move this show along. Also I am the epitome of a beautiful mess, I mean what a coincidence that you would write a song about me and you hadn't even met me yet! And you can consider this your official storm warning. Not to mention every time you sing "Where We Left Off" to me I nearly sob. You just really cut to the core of me Hunter.

Also you should know that I am okay with the touring lifestyle of a country super star. I need a little space from time to time. So you out touring is perfect. I also really enjoy all things that have to do with the South. So you know we are meant for each other.

So Hunter, I'll see you tonight. We have a date at 7:30 sharp and if I am not mistaken this will be the best night of both of our lives.



Wednesday, October 3, 2012

When a Husker meets a Badger at a bar...

It happened. 
I had to bite my tongue and behave like a respectful Husker fan to a Badger this weekend. 
It was hard. 
I mean real hard.
I wanted to tell him that I would like to stick my foot straight up his little badger ass but I refrained.
Instead I said "good game". 
He said let me buy you a drink.
And the rest was history. 


That is until I had a couple of shots of Jack and had to start arguing stats and why Nebraska will always be a football fortress of epic proportions.
I just don't like to be bothered with nonsense about "when's the last time you won a national championship?"
Here's a thought when is the last time you had a sold out stadium for 321 consecutive games or I dunno over 800 wins? 
I get real emotional when we start talking Huskers if you couldn't tell. 
I may or may not have been the only person in a local dive bar even paying attention to the TV let alone banging my fists on a bar and screaming like a wild animal.

Game day isn't complete with out a good Bloody.
But that's just how I roll.
Take it or leave it. 
Either way I just know that we won on Saturday and I nearly pissed my pants I was so happy.
Instead I just got good and drunk like a normal person.


I try to at least look like an acceptable young lady. I don't think I am foolin anyone.

Monday, October 1, 2012

When someone sits on your face...


You should most certainly take pictures. 
Obviously. 
And when I say someone I mean the most adorable 1 year old nephew in the entire world. 
Yes the entire world.
Then obviously you just continue to read to him.


Gosh my nephew is cute. 


Ps. I scored these sweet little nuggets today. For 40 bucks. BOOM SUCKAS. And then Washington decided that it would be a good idea to be 75 degrees today. Its October 1st. Get real!!! Not that I am complaining or anything but c'mon I got boots to wear!





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