Tuesday, November 20, 2012

This one time at Old Navy...

Yes I meant for that to sound a lot like "this one time at band camp..."
Except what happened at Old Navy for me was not nearly as enjoyable as what may or may not have happened at band camp.
If you have a slightly weak stomach I would suggest evacuating these premises because shit is about to get real.

Let me begin.

It was a brisk fall day in November. November 10th to be exact. A day I like to spend pre-celebrating my birthday. A day that is usually filled with joy and glee. Typically a little booze, a lot of food and of course shopping.
And just like any other year on November 10th I ventured out with my best friend in tow to enjoy the few simple things I love most. After enjoying a delicious bloody mary and watching Nebraska parade around Penn state (not even true we won in the 4th quarter) Trashley and I set off to purchase some brand spankin new attire at the local Old Navy. Through out this joyous day I had been getting "hot spells" if you will. I felt like I was 50 going through menapause. It was a real pain in the ass. Anyway shopping we were, taking a gander here, a gander there. Digging through clearance rack after clearance rack until my heart was content.

Then it happened.
A hot flash came on quick.
I literally said to Trashley "Ugh man I am getting so hot again".
No sooner did those words leave my mouth did a very unfamiliar and exceptionaly unwelcomed feeling begin to bubble in my tummy.
I couldn't do anything about it.
There was absolutely no stopping it.
I projectile vomitted all over the clearance section of Old Navy.
I was covered as the only reasonable thing I thought to do was put my hands over my mouth.
Big mistake.
My face, my hands, my shirt covered.
Not to mention the puddle that I was standing over.
Trashley turned and shrieked "WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
And guess what. I felt fine immedietly after. Not dizzy, not light headed, nothing! FINE.
Never have I ever seen an Old Navy employee move so fast.
I was mortified but those ladies at Old Navy were the sweetest. They got me a chair, water, wipes to clean myself up with and a bag to put my puke covered shirt in.
I did my best to clean it up as well as I could.
I didn't want some poor girl moppin up my vomit.
So November 10th 2012 at about 2:00 in the afternoon is the time I projectile vomitted all over Old Navy.
And November 12 2012 is the day I went back and spent lots of money at Old Navy to make up for it.

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