Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The longer I live

The longer I live the more I am convinced that I was not wired to be in a actual relationship.
Don't get me wrong I would love to have that perfect relationship with someone I love and care about but I swear as soon as I start to get feelings for someone that crazy switch flips right on...
Whats that about?
As the 2 year anniversary of my marriage officially being over nears I sit back and reflect.
One broken relationship after the other until I got married.
Followed by one 4 almost 5 year struggle to force a marriage to work.
Followed by one broken attempt at dating after the other.

So here I am.
Again. It took all of one month for me to turn back into a cold hearted man hater.
Dating truly is for the birds.
I am quite literally exhausted of dating.
I am quite literally completely frustrated with any one with a weiner. (yes I just said weiner).
So what happened?
I was all hearts and butterflies for a month.
Well as usual the guy I was seeing turned into a full blown captain douche.
And I just sit here confused and trying to figure out how I am here again.

So I am at a crossroads wondering if maybe just maybe I am supposed to be a lone ranger.
And ya know I am not all that devestated about it.
I don't feel some void in my life that needs to be filled.
I am not anxiously waiting to have children.
Maybe it will be ok to just be me.
To fill my life with travel, friends, food and adventure.
Maybe just maybe God is meant to be the only love of my life.
Well and my dogs of course.

Maybe thats ok.
Maybe my story is a little different than I imagined it would be.
And maybe thats ok.
Maybe I am ok.

Until I figure it out I plan to keep doing exactly what I am doing.
Be young, happy, carefree and alone.
Maybe that's ok.
For now it's time to do some healing.
Physically and emotionally.
February really is my least favorite months.
And yes I just did have a pity party on my blog.
Deal with it.
It's my blog and I can cry if I want to.

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