So we're a match?

So I did it.
I took the plunge.
I was pretty nervous at first.
Terrified in fact.
But with some encouragement.
And the success story of this gal I just did it.
I signed up for online dating.
Now, now hold your horses y'all, I know I said that dating was for the birds...
But it kind of really sucks to be the only person you know who doesn't have someone to go out to dinner with.
And being the 3rd wheel is really starting to get old.
And well lets be honest conventional dating hasn't exactly been successful for me...

So I did it.
I signed up for online dating.
I signed up Monday.
And I have had one very promising inquiry.
And the more we talk the more excited I am to meet this person.
The great thing is I know exactly what his intentions are upfront.
I know that like me, he is looking for someone to spend his time with, a companion, someone to come home to after a long hard day.
It is so refreshing to know that the person you are interested in is interested in the same thing you are.

So in 4 days time I have become a believer.
I get it now.
This online dating stuff is legit.

However I am not gonna lie I have gotten about 60 messages from the strangest people.
Not like strange looking necessarily but who messages a stranger and talks to them like they have been best friends for years???
I literally had someone e-mail me and tell me about their business trip and ask me what my weekend plans were.
No introduction, just "hey whats up just got back from Arizona for a business trip how has your week been?"
So odd.
And what do you do if you aren't interested... do you respond and say hey I'm not interested or do you just not say anything at all?
So much to think about....
Not to mention I am a people pleaser so the fact that I might be disappointing someone or hurting their feelings makes me so guilty!

What I do know is Okcupid seems to think that myself and.... I gotta think of a good nickname hold on....
um lets call him "Ham" don't ask why just go with it ok?
Anyway Okcupid seems to think that we are 91% compatible.
So far I would have to agree, we have such refreshing real conversation and so far every day he asks me at the end of the day what my "high and low" of the day was.
It is nice to have someone who actually wants to know how my day was.

Oh and BTFW, he rocks a onesie to the movie theatre. If that ain't a match I don't know what is.
Yes I know I am getting ahead of myself.
Yes I know he and I could turn out to hate each other in real life.
I guess what I am trying to say is as skeptical and hesitant as I was, this thing ain't so bad you guys!

Sleep is my drug.

If I was one of the cool kids I would write this awesome post about how amazing my weekend was.
However, if by cool kids you mean sleep all day Saturday and get extremely excited over a 7 dollar robe purchase...


I was really excited about this robe. Also please note the Biebs in the background.



Yeah... I didn't think so.

On the plus side I got an extreme amount of sleep and felt like a million bucks.

I think I have an addiction.

"Hi, my name is Ashley and I have an addiction to sleep."


Sarah and I needed a nap.

Sleep Addicts Anonymous....?

Also I have been one crafty mofo lately.
Posts to follow on that little diddy.


All in all it was a wonderful weekend.

 

Me and my cupcake!

 I spent time with some of my favorite people I snuggled my dogs.
I grocery shopped. (one of my favorite tasks)

I watched movies with the family and hung out with the cutest 4 and 3/4 girl in the world.

 

Avrey was all tuckered out for sure



My fat nugget dog.

 bought a new purse.

I got some handy home organizing equipment.

And Papa Chuck will be re-dying my hair tonight.

That's right my dad dyes my hair. Jealous?

I got a little trick up my sleeve too.

Lets hope it isn't a disaster.



                                 

A thank you note, gripes and gratitudes, and Friday letters?

Go big or go home right??? I guess.
I couldn't just settle on one way to welcome Friday so I decided to steal...um borrow some of my favorite themes from some of my favorite people.
Raven likes to do Gripes and Gratitudes from time to time on her LE Blog.
Yesterday Sami wrote a few Thank You notes and I loved it so why not?
And of course the ever popular Ashley invented Friday letters and everyone loves a classic.

Me I just am too indecisive so you get a little bit of it all today.
Because it is my blog and I can do whatever I want.

Gripes

*Washington's bi-polar weather can kick rocks.

*Negative Nancy's at work. I have a party every day at work. Life's a dance kids.

*Laundry. As always there is a pile to be folded and a mountain to be washed. #1stworldproblems

Gratitudes

*First of all I am so grateful for the sweet pair of rollerblades I picked up for 7 bucks at goodwill. You better believe I am bringing the 90's back with a vengence. I spent a solid hour and a half shredding in my blades on St. Paddy's day.

*Blue Cheese burgers. God they are so delish. Girlfriend loves her some stinky cheese.

*Keurig Southern style sweet tea K-cups. This lady is addicted.

*Crafting and knitting up a damn storm. Holla for the domesticated alcoholic!

*SI from Duck Dynasty in that white tux from last night. I think of it and smile.

Thank-you Bridgett,

    My sweet cupcake I wonder how I would make it through the day without you sometimes. You are the best coworker a girl could ever dream of and we really are soulmates. I promise to love you even if we get secretary ass in like 2 months.

Thank-you Pinterest, 

    You truly are changing my life one organization pin at a time. I live and breathe for crafting and pining these days and I just can't get enough. 

Thank-you dynamo label maker, 

  Thanks to you Bridgett and I have managed to label every single thing in our entire front desk space and hear about 957 times a day how much "cleaner and neat" it is up here. Damn right fish whistles thats how we do!

  

Thank-you Dad, 

Thank you Papa Chuck for agreeing to take me under your sweet little wing and teach me the ways of a gardening master. I can't wait for our plethoras of fresh vegetables to be ready for harvest. We are about to make that back yard our BITCH!

Dear Friday, 

   We meet again. It was only a few short days ago  it seems that I was begging for you to be a part of my life again. Yet here you are faithful as ever. I love that about you; I can always rely on you to be there when I need you. What's that you say? You are bringing a brewery evening with you this week? Well don't mind if I do Friday I would love to spend and evening with my favorite people at a brewery! YOU ARE KIDDING ME FRIDAY!!! You mean to tell my your best friend Saturday is bringing a sample sale this week too? So not only do I get to hang at a bad ass brewery Friday but I get to dig through masses of cheap awesome designer clothes on Saturday. This is why I love you Friday. You know the way to my heart and I just can't deny it. I wish you would stay forever Friday I truly do. 

Hope you Chicken Nuggets have the best weekend EVA!!!! yuck I hated the way that sounded in my head....  

A solid stream of random thoughts...

5:12 am- Alarm goes off. What the hell is that sound of rushing water?? Oh it's my alarm. EFFFFFF. Hit snooze button.

5:22 am- Alarm goes off. GOD DAMMIT I JUST WANT TO SLEEP. Roll over, yell at the dogs. Throw a fit by kicking and flopping on my bed. Dogs jump all over me. Get up let dogs outside,

5:30 am- Papa Chuck tries to greet me with a smile. I on the other hand grimace and let out some sort of grumble in response.

5:35 am- Scroll FB/Twitter/Instagram while I am supposed to be "going pee".

5:36 am- I should really get ready. Sits on the pot a little longer.

5:40 am- Yep I really gotta get ready.

5:45 am- Finally let dogs in feed them and plop myself into my vanity chair.

5:47 am- Wow.... I really should have started getting ready earlier I look like Britney Spears and not in a good way.

5:55 am- Make up done. Time to tackle my hair. Why can't my hair look amazing when I crawl out of bed like Kate Hudson on "How to Lose a Guy in 10 days"??? Is it so much to ask...

5:59 am- Balls I have to leave in 10  minutes and I am not even dressed.

6:04 am- Digging wildly through the piles of laundry for work clothes. Why can't I find anything to wear. Side eye at the mound of dirty clothes in the corner.

6:10 am- SHIT DOGS GET IN YOUR CRATE NOW!!!!  Run out of the house get in car, curse myself for not warming it up.

6:30 am- I am so sick of hearing these radio hosts talk about the same shit. Shut up.

6:40 am- I wonder what Bridgett and I will eat today.... hmmmm

6:45 am- Arrive at work. Grimace and scoul as I wait for my Keurig to tell me it is ready to brew.

And that my friends is a day in the life of going to work with me, Crashley the girl who would rather sleep an extra 5 minutes than look good or eat breakfast.

The no you didn't list

Admit it.

You have a list of things that people do that make you want to smack them.

Don't act all holy you know you do.

We all do.

I like to call it the "no you didn't list."

I would like to present to you my very own "no you didn't list."

Put your sassy pants on chicken nuggets it's time to go for a ride.

*I know you did not just touch my ipod. DO NOT change my music when we are in my car unless you want to be instantly smacked.

*I know you did not just refer to my fur babies as cats. They eat dog food, they bark, they growl and they sure as hell do not go to the bathroom in a cat box. They are dogs regardless of size.

*I know you did not just say that day drinking is for alcoholics.

*I know you did not just say something bad about my girl Paula.

*Are you wearing a denim skirt and we aren't at a country concert?

*Are you really blasting some gangsta rap in your mom's mini van?

*Did you just give me a blank stare when I referenced a Will Ferral movie?

*No you didn't just let your kid wipe their snotty nosed grimey little baby hands all over my office.

*No. No you didn't just let your kid tell you what to do. It's called a spanking.

*I know you aren't smacking your gum. I know you aren't.

*Did you just ask me what was going to happen in a movie we both are watching for the first time? Really?

*Did you just touch my food? Without asking?

And that my friends is a short list of things that I know you didn't do.

A quarter life crisis.

News flash chicken nuggets, life is tough.
It can be a real SOB if you know what I mean.
Sometimes I think to myself, wow this life sure is amazing, like a tub full of gravy amazing.

me saying life is amazing!

And then I have these days where nothing seems to fit right. Nothing seems to make any sense.

Those days I want to curl up in bed and never get out. My personal sanctuary.

One shot to do it right

Lucky for me those days have become fewer and further between in the more recent days.

But not so long ago I was fighting the not so good fight every day.

I'm talking about my old friends anxiety and depression.
This year they really came in hot and heavy for me.
I usually do suffer from some mild winter blues if you will.
Nothing that I can't usually fight myself through with a little determination and some prayers to the Man upstairs.

This year was different, I was convincing myself to get out of bed, I was begging and pleading with myself to go out and do something anything other than lay lifeless in my bed, I had to reassure myself that I didn't need to cry just because the person on the telephone was having a bad day. It was not good. I was a hot mess. An emotional trainwreck headed straight for quarter life crisis time.

I had realized it was time to go see my doctor when I had lost 10 pounds, had little to no desire to eat, which if anyone knows me at all knows that is not ok, I couldn't sleep and I wanted nothing to do with the living world of humans.

an appropriate description of my 20's

To the doctor I went and she assured me that I was infact suffering from some slight mild depression and anxiety. I have always been leary of medication because I have seen it negatively effect people I love but I was desperate to feel like myself.
My doctor started me on a low dose of prozac and told me to seek counseling.
And like the good little patient I am I did exactly that.

I didn't feel like the old me right away. I didn't pop that magic blue pill and immediately feel like I was living the dream. But I felt like I could have reasonable responses to things around me.
My world was no longer crashing down around me because someone cut me off in traffic.
I was no longer on the verge of a complete emotional break down because someone looked at me funny.

Slowly but surely I started to feel ok.

And counseling. Oh counseling how I love thee.
I honestly look forward to my 45 minutes of venting and pondering with that sweet man I call my counselor.
He brings insight to my questions and poses legitimate theories that I would never have thought about.
He reassures me that some of my feelings are valid while others are hurting me.
I am an avid believer that everyone needs a nonbiased outsider to give you some clarity.
Clarity is what I get every other Wednesday.

Does this mean sometimes I don't feel like my life is moving backwards?

Obviously not.

3 years ago I was married (unhappily but married none the less) I had my own 2 bedroom apartment that was furnished and decorated to my liking.

I had a job I enjoyed, friends that I loved and felt like I was an established adult creating a life for myself and the man I loved.

I have days where I look around me and wonder "what the hell am I doing?".

I am alone, living with my dad for the first time since I was 18 while all my friends are in serious relationships, getting married and having babies.

Sometimes I struggle to understand that even though it feels like I have gone backwards in all reality I have moved forward.

I left a relationship that was emotionally abusive. While on the outside I had all the things that it seemed I wanted my heart and spirit were being broken day after day.

There is not a day of the week, a moment in time when I would want to go back to that time of pain and uncertainty, constantly questioning my own strength and sanity.

So sometimes I have to take a deep breath, take a blue pill, get some clarity and remember it is all part of God's plan.

Looking back

I have seen so many bloggers take advantage of the "If I could write a letter to me" theme and the 16 year old you what was really important in life.
Guess what?
I think it is time 16 year old me hears from 26 year old me.
The time has come self and I have a few things I need to hash out with you.

Dear little Ashley,

If you only knew. If you only knew that the things you thought meant the world to you would be mere and distant memories ten years from now. You would do so many things differently. I promise you would...

I can't say that you would get better grades because even though you put in little effort you still managed to have stellar grades. Just goes to show you do have a brain up there too bad you rarely chose to use it.

Let me start this off with the most important thing you should know. You have an identity so please stop trying to be what everyone else expects of you. Please stop worrying about having a boyfriend. You aren't going to marry your highschool sweetheart. You aren't your sister, your soul mate comes later in life. And by later I mean past 26 because we are here. Alone. But it's ok I promise.

Please dear God in heaven realize how beautiful and precious you are. Find happiness in the simple things like a long drive in the car, warm summer days, Harry Potter books, the ability to get your hair done an abnormal amount of time in one year! Enjoy it, love it! Stop sulking. Yes you had it rough with your mom but you have an amazing, astonishing, life shatteringly amazing older sister who quite literally helps you through the hardest things in your life. So appreciate her, appreciate the little things and stop being so angry.

Also just stop wearing sweat pants to highschool. You will do it plenty of times in college ok? Make an effort for like one year of your life at least.

Remember how much you despised that girl Sarah your junior year of highschool? You are an idiot. She becomes one of the most valuable people in your entire life. She is beautiful inside and out and she loves you when most people would want to punch you in the face. She stands by your side for the next 10 years and loves you more than you could ever know. She is the best friend you will ever know.

Remember those parties you just have to go to? Don't. You miss out on playing softball something you love so much for a few hours at a party you shouldn't be at. Just don't. Save yourself the misery and do something good for yourself and dedicate yourself to the team. You'll regret not.

Quit caring about what other people think. Just stop.

Lighten up. You're life isn't that terrible. Yeah your mom kinda sucked growing up, but you had a dad who loved you, a home, food, a car, a job, clothes, and you pretty much never went with out. Quit being so freaking ungrateful. Trust me this is not going to be the hardest point in your life.

Respect yourself. Please oh dear God. Just listen to me for once.

Save your money. You don't have to spend it the second you get it. You work hard to have a car and pay insurance but save your money you will be so glad you did.

Quit trying to grow up so fast. Take a deep breath. Slow down. And take it as it comes. You'll be grateful you did.

Be strong and independent and learn to stand up for youself with strength and dignity. Be classy and honest. Learn to listen it is an excellent tool you could use later in life.

Mostly Ashley love yourself. Please see the good in you and the truth in those around you. Learn to take a compliment and learn to trust. Find the Lord and submerse yourself in his undeniable grace. I promise you it will change you forever.

Love,

26 year old you