In Real Life...

We all have one. 
You know that one blog friend. 
The one you were DESTINED to meet.
The one who you instantly could tell everything to.
The one you send ridiculous texts, tweets, emails etc to.
The one who feels like your best friend when in all reality you are complete strangers.
Unless you meet.
And guess what?
I'm about to meet my blog bestie.
Oh yes.
On a boat.
In a river.
With a drink in my hand.
This saturday marks my first in real life blogger date.
And I can hardly wait.
If you follow me on twitter you already know.
You are probably annoyed with my count down.
But I don't care, get over it!
This girl is excited.
No one messes with my excitement unless they want to get cut.

So Saturday me and Ms. Dani Lee over at Inspire.Motivate.Love are going to spend the day doing all the things I have ever imagined doing together.
Drinking bloody's.
Boating.
Laughing.
Singing country music.
Soaking up sun.
Gossiping.
Taking 500500000 pictures for instagram and our blogs.
And being the two best friends that anyone could have.
All in the Tricities at the Columbia River soaking up the last bits of sun we can.

Can't wait to meet you Life Twin!!!

Catch ya on the flipside nuggets!

And than Wisdom slapped me in the face

A little wisdom goes a long ways.
I seem to be in a reflective mood. 
Here are a few faves from my pinterest boards!

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Via

Everything a man could ever want

I have some friends that are currently deployed and I like to send them delicious baked goods and other treats from time to time. 

Now I am not a baker. 

I don't even actually like to bake but because I respect and appreciate what those men sacrifice so that I can sit at home and blog, eat, nap and plain do anything I like, I take the time to make delicious treats and send em on over. 

Not to mention I was threatened that since I sent packages once every other week last deployment (because I was "dating" one of them) I better be sending delicious treats this deployment as well. 

All I can say is thank god for pinterest.

 Seriously.

 Last deployment I did a magical Thanksgiving themed package filled with pumpkin cream cheese muffins and pumpkin spice scones with maple drizzle glaze. 

Sounds fantastic and was all in all pretty easy. 

This time around the "ultimate brownie". 

I prefer to call these "slutty brownies". 

Why? 

Because it has everything a man could want and its pretty cheap. 

Let me explain.

This is not an ordinary brownie. It is the brownie of all brownies. You know the head cheerleader who can have any guy she wants kind of brownie. Or perhaps the kind of brownie who only has to flip her hair or drop her pen and all the boys go running. This is that kind of brownie. What makes this brownie the brownie that all other brownies dream they could be? Layers. Layers upon layers of amazingness...

Layer 1- Chocolate Chip Cookie

Layer 2- Oreos

Layer 3- Peanut butter

Layer 4- Brownie batter

And now you know. So go ahead drool over my brownies. And to all of my lovely followers who are about to flip out because I am on a fitness journey? Rest assured I went to the gym ran 3 miles came home ate a delicious lean steak and then made these brownies and didn't eat a single bite. That my friends is will power.

And that my friends is a slutty brownie.

 Well Nuggets I am off to package and seal this little deal so it can be on it's merry way across the world!

The many faces of Ashley or should I say Crashley.

I have this habit you might say, of making some pretty um… interesting faces.

I have this habit you might say, of making some pretty fantastic gestures.

I have this habit you might say, of having well no shame what-so-ever.

I have this habit you might say, of not caring enough how I might look 

to other people.

I have this habit you might say, of being too “in your face”.

I have this habit you might say, of being too honest too soon.

Wanna see what I mean?

So yeah, I pretty much love life and really take great pictures!

So this is crazy but...

Dear my beloved 38 followers,

I love you. I am sorry I have not been around to entertain you with hilarious stories of my unthinkable shenanigans or even update you regarding my binge eating. Waking up at 5 am has a way of making me one mean biznasty and since I have had to do that all week, train for my new position at work and been actually going to the gym I feel as though adulthood has taken advantage of me. Please be patient I promise I will be back very soon with an arousing tale or two!

Love you always my little Nuggets!

How to eat your way to happiness

I love food. 

It is like a common thread that binds people together. We break bread together; we spend our most treasured holidays eating. At parties we cook and prepare our guests favorite foods. It's what we do, it's how we bond with strangers and how we celebrate with the ones we love. 

I love food.

            

There are a few times that food is not my most favorite friend however.

 I know you are all shocked. 

One of these times is when I have the epic unstoppable stomach flu. Obviously I do not want to eat in a time like that. Also when I am utterly without a doubt heartbroken. I know this comes as an even bigger shock as generally speaking food is what I turn to in my time of need… But something about being completely heart broken makes food seem in adequate… 

And that just won’t do.

           

Here is what I suggest to those of you who are like me and find it unbearable to eat when you are hopelessly broken. 

Find and all you can eat buffet. 

I have found that when all else fails if I am faced with the option to eat until I can’t any longer something about that prospect opens the floodgates and I cannot be stopped. Something about eating brings comfort when we hurt. And when I have no appetite I am not only upset that I am hurting but now you have messed with my appetite too! NOT COOL!  So in order to get myself back on track I find it helpful to present yourself with a plethora of options and the ability to eat until you vomit.

          

  If this does not seem like it is up your alley I suggest eating anything that contains booze. You know like jello shots. Or my new personal favorite drunken a bear, that’s right drunken bears. I learned of these warlocks on Pinterest. You soak gummi bears in vodka for 3-5 days and then devour them. Um yes please! How could that not heal a broken heart? I highly suggest using delicious flavored vodka. I also highly suggest not eating the whole package.

  Well friends now that I have enlightened you in the ways that eating can heal a broken heart I feel like I have done my public duty for the day. Rest assured if you ever need a person to persuade you to eat way more than you should and not feel bad about yourself I am your gal!

Authentic delicious Mexican food usually does the trick

As does binge eating at lunch, yes all of that was mine.

Gravy, bacon, mac and cheese enough said. That's a plate full of comfort.

We all know how I feel about slutty cheese. It makes me happy.

And if all else fails fro-yo.

Well Nuggets after writing this I am 99% sure I will need to go binge eat. Then go to the gym and cry.

          

And here is the honest truth

I am caving and giving into the "If you really knew me post" as seen

here here oh and here....

Shall we nuggets?

If you really knew me...

You would know that 90% of the things I say are sarcastic.(this is

part of the 10% that is not)

You would know that if I could I would jump all over John Mayer and

show him whose body really is a wonderland...

You would know that I am TERRIFIED of snakes. Like

full-blown-phobia-throw-a-child-to-be-eaten-instead-of-me terrified.

Yes I would use a helpless child as a shield from a snake.

#sorryimnotsorry

You would know that I am a retired Facebook girl. If you don't know

what a Facebook girl is please go here to find out.

If you really knew me...

You would know that my heart is on my sleeve even if I like to act

like I am a tough cookie.

You would know that on the same hand this honeybadger don't take shit

from no one!

My birthday shirts, mine and my dads!

You would know that if I don't eat or sleep enough I turn into a full

blown psycho. Like I will murder someone. Get me to a buffet or a bed.

the leftover from Mexican buffet day

You would know that I am officially an over-sharer. I'll tell it all

to ya whether you want to know or not.

If you really knew me...

You would know that I ain't got no shame. If I gotta pee; I'm going. It

don't matter if I am in a parking lot, alley, street, woods etc. It's

happening so you better not be downhill.

You would know that I could recite the Notebook from memory, if I

can't sleep that's what I turn on.

You would know that I am a Bielber. #bieberfever

If you really knew me...

You would know that I hate wearing shoes at work. HATE IT. I am

barefoot unless I am going into a patient area.

You would know that I love from the tip of my toes right up to the

last hair on my head, if I fall for you its hard and without a second

thought. Getting there a different story.

You would know that I'd rather be in jeans and a t-shirt out in the

woods drinking a cold Vitamin R than out at a club or a bar.

And because I feel like this is getting ridiculously long and boring I

am ending here. I got SHIZZZ to do such as eat and lay in the sun.

Priorities people.

Yes in fact...

Tis Thursday again kiddos and let me tell ya what that means if you
don’t already know. It means the day has come where I admit all my
binge eating to the world and talk about how I need to be more
dedicated to health and fitness.

Yes, that is what day it is.

Yes, I ate half a bag of Doritos at my desk this week.
Yes, this weekend I went on a road trip where I ate Mexican food for
two meals and chips as the others.
Yes, I drank that god forsaken nectar of life beer even though I said
last week I would stop drinkin it.
Yes, I did all of those things.

But…

Yes, I did go to the gym three days in a row!
Yes, I did log over 12 miles at the gym in those 3 days!
Yes, I did even wake up at 5 am to go to said gym one morning this
week. (Yes, I was very unhappy and yes I drank an extreme amount of
coffee to get through the rest of the day)
Yes, working out truly did improve my patience/attitude at work.
Yes, I hated it while I was there but felt great after.
Yes, I did make a promise to a friend to check in before every workout
and be sure to send a picture of my sweaty self-afterwards as a way to
be held accountable!
Yes, said friend did call me at 5:15am to ensure that I had in fact
gotten out of bed to get my ghetto booty to the gym. (That’s a good
friend you might say)


Yes, this feels good!

How bout the rest of ya? How are you doing on your journey to fitness?

The perks of being single

I have always been the kind of girl who is "with someone". I can't honestly remember a time where I went longer than a month or two without being in some sort of relationship. Whether it was a full fledge exclusive thing or just seeing/hanging out with someone I have ALWAYS been involved.
I see this as a flaw of mine. And it was never because I felt like I NEEDED to be with someone. Maybe I am just too big of a flirt and believe that you never will know what you really want in a partner if you don't try different things.

Exhibit A the ex husband 

  

Exhibit B an ex boyfriend from highschool

Exhibit C the heart breaking ex...

You get the picture....

I don't consider myself to have a "type". I am attracted to a vast array of looks, senses of humor, style etc. I almost never say no to a first date, unless you are straight out a creeper or I know you are shady as all get out...
Maybe thats why I have been on SOOO many blind dates.
I guess I always look at it as a free meal one way or the other! (Does that make me a bad person or just a secret fatty?)

Anyway my point it that for the first time in as long as I can remember I have been unattached since March.

At first of course I was heartbroken (to the say the least) after a pretty rough break up with someone I was starting to really fall for the last thing I wanted or needed was a relationship. I am a firm believer of getting back on the horse so I tested the water went on a few dates and still continue to go out on dates from time to time.

But I know in my heart I am not ready for a relationship. I am still hurt deeply by my last actual boyfriend. I am still healing.

But for the first time I am totally okay with the fact that I am alone. That I am completely unattached.

I am okay.

In fact I am completely terrified of the idea of being in a relationship right now. The mere thought of it sends me into a panic. My chest tightens, my smile turns into a tight lipped frown, my scowl lines become etched on my face. Its bad. Real bad.

But its okay. Its okay that I am 25 almost 26 and I am alone.

In fact its pretty fantastic because I get to do whatever I want.
I want to come home and do absolutely nothing? Awesome. Done.
I want to watch chick flicks all night long? No prob who is stopping me?
I wanna hop in the car and drive three hours to the middle of no where with my best friend just because we wanna get away? Perfect what time do we leave?
I want to wear my ratty sweats with no bra and no make up all day long? Who cares!
I love that! I love that for once in my life it is all about me. Its all about what I want, when I want it and I have no guilt.
I am free to do as I wish and it is a beautiful thing.
Do I miss that man that I was falling head over heels for? Absolutely. 
Do I miss how incredibly happy I was when we were together? All the time. 
Do I miss having a companion? With my whole heart.

What I don't miss is being with someone who wasn't real with me. 
I don't miss being with someone who wasn't honest with me about how they felt when thats all I ever expected.

So being free? It ain't so bad. I know my time will come when a man walks into my life and takes my breath away. He will sweep me off my feet and I will be overcome with happiness in his presence.

For now though, I think I will take this single train downtown. I mean if I had a boyfriend would I get to go on crazy adventures with this lady that lead us to a tiny middle of no where farm town? Probably not and I wouldn't trade it for the world!

So this is me saying to anyone else out there that is terrified, has had their heart broken, is waiting for Mr. Amazingly Right instead of Mr. I-had-to-settle, its okay we are alone. In fact its pretty fantastic!

Love ya nuggets!

Oh hello Monday you dirty bish...

Why is Monday such an awful day?
Why does Monday feel the need to walk up to you and slap you in the face after throwing her lemon drop on your favorite top?
Why does Monday feel the need to point out all your weaknesses and as if that's not enough do it in front of a hot dude?
I need to know Monday WTF is your problem?
I mean what have I EVER done to you?
I wake up; I go to work I try to do my adult duties and responsibilities but you make it REALLY hard when you are smack talking and throwing sucker punches all damn day!
I want to be friends. I want to be able to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed happily greeting you with a cup of coffee and a fresh scone but every time I do you spit that very same coffee all over my khaki pants and throw that scone up all over my desk.
It's just rude.
To be quite honest I am pretty damn sick of your bad attitude Monday.
I am thinking a break might just be in order.
Tuesday seems like it is a pretty legit gal.
A real gem if you ask me.
She holds promise and a sparkle in her eye.
You Monday... you hold nothing but dark despair and a look of pure evil.
Almost like looking into the eyes of Lucifer himself.
Tuesday? Tuesday welcomes me with open arms.
She says to me "Don't worry about that Bish Monday, she is just jealous of Friday and Saturday. 
They used to be best friends but they had a falling out."
Tuesday accepts me and all my requests.
Tuesday it gentle and kind.
I can't wait for Tuesday.
Once Tuesday comes to my door that means I don't have to tango with that dirty Bish Monday for another 6 days.
So you know what Monday, you may be a dirty Bish but I am one crazy Bish and I will not let you bring me down.
You may have won the battle this time Monday but next week you are in for one hell of a fight.

Peace out Nuggets I gotta get myself to bed so I can wake up in Tuesdays gentle arms.

Oh there was music too?

The other day I updated you all on the wonderful shenanigans that took place at watershed. 

Today I tell you all about the wonderful music I heard. I mean check out this line up.

 

Did you just pee? Because I did.

All over watershed the whole weekend. No I am not kidding. Anyway.

Let’s talk music shall we?

So day one arrived and I got out of the car and immediately peeled myself out of my jeans slapped on a swimsuit and some shorts and began basking in sunshine. After camp was all set up we relaxed gallivanted about and then headed down to the concert. It’s a long and treacherous walk through the dust and dirt to the concert area from the campgrounds. I thought I was going to die each time we did it. 

And lord knows I complained a lot.

But once we arrived I enjoyed the sounds of Kix brooks who thank goodness is the less creepy looking one of the duo formerly known as Brooks and Dunn. He sang some of his new songs and also some of the groups classics. I must say I wasn't pumped about seeing him but he did a pretty good job. I mean when I am a few deep why wouldn't I love hearing Red Dirt Road. It brought me straight back to Seabeck and everyone who knows me knows how much I love to reminisce about the good ole days.

Next up was Dwight Yokam. Not a fan. No really I just do not fancy him so instead I spent some time frolicking all about with my fairy man, being ridiculous with my Trashley and getting drunker and drunker as the minutes passed. He played for what felt like an eternity I swear.

After he finished my sweet love Dierks took the stage. 

Oh Dierks.  

By the way did you all catch my picture on Twitter/instagram? He tweeted me. 

Yes. I died. I screamed like a 13 year old at a Justin Bieber concert in the car.

 Who am I kidding I screamed like I am going to at the Justin Bieber concert. 

Anyway Dierks was so amazing. Blew my socks off. I particularly remember him playing his new song you know “5-1-5-0somebody call the POPO I’m going crazy”  

well let’s just say I was too drunk to move my hands that quickly but I made a real effort. His sweet little voice soothed my soul as I stumbled the night away next to my Trashley and Fairy man. I was even rocking a little white tank top. I planned it you might say. I was a little bit nervous about hearing Dierks live because I had heard his “live in concert XM radio” awhile back and I was less than impressed. He did a number on me. I didn’t want him to leave. My sorority sister had to practically drag me out of there. I may have just been really upset about the walk back to camp but who knows.

Day two brought to me some sweet sweet sounds and a grassy knoll to rest upon. I love a good grassy knoll. No honestly I take naps in the grass frequently. We arrived to the concert much later than I would have preferred and missed a few acts I was really excited about hearing. I suppose this is what booze does to you. Time travel. I was really looking forward to hearing Sara Evans but we missed her. I think she finished before she was supposed to honestly but what do I know I was half drunk and about to take a nap at a picnic table.

The first act of the evening that I had the pleasure of enjoying was Tracy Lawrence. He is such a gem. He takes me straight back to childhood. I remember listening to him all the time with my parents. He has such a powerful voice and he sounded even better live. My favorite song of his is “find out who your friends are”. It’s a song

that holds a lot of meaning for me as it reminds me of some really close friends that I have lost. It truly makes you think about things. I loved him and sang along the whole time and some how managed not to fall down the grassy knoll. 

It was a miracle I tell ya.

Then there was Miranda.

 Oh you little shot of life Miranda. 

Ya’ll she was probably the most adorable little creature I have ever seen. She came out onto that stage and rocked it in her high heel boots ans sequin skirt. She was all over that stage and she kept talking all about her husband Blake. How freaking adorable. You can really see how much these two love each other because they both talked about each other the whole time. 

I loved it; until I had an emotional breakdown half way through  “Over You”. 

That song is/was like my break up anthem after the last boyfriend ripped my heart out. Every time I hear it I

go straight back to the way I felt right after we broke up. I looked at Trashley with tears welling up in my eyes and she literally said to me “YOU BETTER LOCK IT UP. YOU WILL NOT CRY OVER HIM. NOT HERE NOT NOW.” She is right I mean we broke up almost 7 months ago and we were only together for 8 it is time to stop getting emotional. I sucked it up pretty well and finished the concert loving every moment. Except that walk back. That dreaded walk back. 

Moving right along to night three. We arrived in time to hear Brantley Gilbert finish up his set. I dunno if it was him or his sound system but he was much harder to hear; although he did look mighty fine in those jeans.  I nearly cried like a baby because I missed Thompson Square but I was very busy napping while they were playing. And by napping I mean falling asleep with a drink in my hand while sitting up in my camping chair. It was a long day for me alright? I can’t really remember much of Brantley which is probably due to the two beers I shotgunned in the truck on the way there. 

Yikes. 

I can tell you this. Blake Shelton is a freaking rockstar. He is just as funny on stage as he is on twitter and he has a sweet sensual voice. He sang and sang and I sang along. I loved that he played some classics like “Ole Red” and “Austin” I kept picturing his mullet. By far the highlight of the night was when Miranda came out and sang “Hill Billy Bone” with him. She just came boppin out in her boots and jean skirt with a ball cap on and rocked that stage. They held hands and danced together and I just wanted to cry it was so darn cute. The

rest of our crew wanted to head back before the concert had ended and I just wouldn't stand for it so Trashley and I stayed until the very last song and I was so glad we did. I loved every minute of Blake and I would see him again and again. Not to mention that mine is literally a GIANT. He is so freaking huge and Miranda looks like a midge

compared to him. Like him and Cee-Lo on the voice almost but I think Miranda might be taller than Cee-Lo.

So there you have it kids. My full blown review of the Watershed music

Fest. I can’t wait for next year and I hope that perhaps I can get it

together long enough to make it to a few more artists next time

around. Day drinking just really takes it outta me!

Have you guys hit up any awesome concerts this summer? What has been

your favorite!

Inspire me to not be a fatty

So I have decided to take the plunge and link up with Raven and Kristen on the Inspire Me Healthy Link Up.  I will be the first one to admit my body isn't perfect and I love to eat waaay too much. But I also know that with my family medical history I need to be proactive in choosing a healthy lifestyle to avoid the plagues of heart disease that run a muck in my family. I have done a lousy job of this in the last two years. While I am by no means obese or even “fat”.

I am uncomfortable with my body and that makes me unhappy. 

Any time I talk about my body or not feeling comfortable people look at me like I am crazy. I get told all the time “you are soo tiny though” “you can eat whatever you want”. Correction I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted and while yes my clothes size reflect a “tiny” body I do not feel comfortable when I see myself naked. 
I am the one who has to wash this body hunny and I don’t like the view. 
My problem is I love to cook and I love to eat yet I HATE the gym. I work a 9-6 shift so by the time I get home from work I am exhausted I don’t want to go to the gym and get home at 9 pm. Yet I really despise early mornings and can’t seem to make myself get my ass outta bed and to the gym in the morning. 
This is pure laziness I know. 

My goal is to use this link up as a way to stay accountable (that means you ladies). I do eat fairly healthy. I try not to binge and as much as I love bacon and comfort food I do not eat it as often as I would like to. I know myself well enough to know that changing my eating habits drastically makes for one IRRATE Ashley. I just can’t starve myself or turn down a craving. I know this. So what I am asking you ladies for is to help me stay accountable and actually use that gym membership. 

So here is my goal. I currently weigh 132 pounds. No not a lot but I stand at a tall 5’2. My typical weight has never exceeded 120. Except when I was a freshmen in college but that is neither here nor there. I would very much like to get back down to 115. I weighed 115 when my ex was deployed and I have never felt better about my body. My clothes fit I was toned and confident. I want to feel confident in my swimsuit and like I am beautiful. A woman can look however but if she doesn't feel confident she won’t show that to the world. I feel like if I can manage to get my ass outta bed and to the gym for 1 hour 3 times a week I can achieve this. It is going to take some time but I need to be patient and work towards my goal. My problem is I want results like yesterday. This is unrealistic. 

I plan on increasing my intake of water; decreasing my intake of soda and beer. 
I also know I MUST cut fast food completely out of my diet and start cooking healthier lunches to bring to work with me. 

Below is my current bikini picture. And below that is me at 115. I wanna be that girl again and exude confidence to the world!

Please excuse the horrible quality something is wrong with my iphone and I am not happy about it.

My head is literally hung in shame haha

Add caption

Flat tummy no suckin it in!

Please excuse that it looks like I wet myself. I didn't my swimsuit was wet.

Proud of that sorta six pack!

Will all you lovely ladies hold me accountable? Will you girls kick my booty if I don’t get outta bed because someone needs too! I promise todo the same to all of you! Also if you want a text partner feel free

to e-mail (messofbeautifulchaos@gmail.com) me your number I have found that having someone to text/talk to when you need to fight a craving is a great distraction. I have read that a craving lasts 5 minutes at the most so if you can distract yourself you are golden!