Thursday, June 28, 2012

The day my life changed forever.

Okay so maybe that title is slightly dramatic. But my work days sure did change when I stumbled upon this little diddy. I was stalking the blogosphere one Tuesday morning at work and I stumbled across this little gem. Yes I have managed to talk a real blogger into taking my blog over for a day. BOOM!!! So I'll just stop talking and let Taylor take it from here, she is way better at this anyway. But you should know I love her and one day I plan to wreak havoc on DT Lincoln with this B.

Well hello there.
My name is Taylor and I blog at The Daily Tay

When Ashley and I talked about me taking over her blog for a day
the post I happened to check out of her's was called
"I love to pee outside"
And I thought, say no more.
I'm sold.
And I need to get a drink with this girl.
Like Ashley, I blog about all sorts of random shenanigans.
Usually it has to do with my dog, Harlow,
my boyfriend Chris and I drinking/eating too much in Chicago,
or any celebrity I feel like making fun of for the day.

I also like to talk about my love for college.
Or I should say the lifestyle of college.
So here is a little something I'd like to share called "Real World"

Dear Real World,

You're a bitch. 
And not a fun bitch like in the way high school girls or queer men say it to each other,
 but just a straight up bitch. 
Your cousin, College, is like ten times cooler than you. 
Even on College's worst day, like when it's super hung over, can't get out of it's dirty frat bed, 
and has left it's debit card at the Bar so it has to charge everything on it's Union Card, 
you still don't hold a candle to it. 
You, Real World, don't even hold a lighter, not even a yellow lighter. 
Where do I even begin with why you just suck so much? 
Just the fact that you insist on starting everyday so damn early.
 7:00 a.m.? 8:00 a.m.? Is there really a need for this? 
Sometimes I just don't want to get up, College never cared about this. 
But not you, you're just a real asshole like that. 
What's it matter if I don't want to show up and instead choose to lay in bed all day
 and then do all of my work from the hours of 6 p.m. - 3 a.m.,
 if the work gets done, the work gets done. 
Nope, doesn't fly with old uncle Real World. 
Not only do you insist I show up at the hours you place, 
but you're gonna make me dress up like a miniature, miserable 40 year old to do so. 
When I was with College, I dressed however I preferred. 
Yeah, sometimes I would look nice, just because I respected College 
and wanted to show him I cared, but a lot of the times I rolled up
 in sweats and a North Face- the official sponsor of College. 
He never minded, didn't insist I wear close toed heels or panty hose like a 1950's hooker. 
Sometimes I can't help but think that you're a sexist small minded douche, RR. 
But that's just my opinion what do I know? According to you, not a whole lot.

You know what else pisses me off? Your judgement. 
So what if I come to see you with bloodshot eyes, fire breath and last night's makeup? 
It's you who forced me to that point.
 College used to think that kind of behavior was cute, 
would let me ease into the next day by laying on the couch for hours on end 
watching the one channel that happened to be on the TV when it was initially turned on because most times I was too hung over to even change the channel.
 That's just how College was, understanding, compassionate and accepting of all flaws. 
Not very good looking? 
College doesn't care, take a few more shots, then check back. 
Not very smart? 
Nbd, test files for all! Don't have a lot of money? 
We'll figure something out, sell your books, sell your prescriptions, 
sell yourself in a medical study, steal from your frat's entertainment fund. 
You know who you are... Bottom line: College was a problem solver. 
The kind of guy who saw the pitcher half full.

Real World, If I had a dollar for every time I didn't feel good enough or up to par for you, 
I'd have enough money to hire the hit man I want to kill you. 
I know that's intense, but you're pretty damn intense. 
So back off, stay out of my Facebook, stay off of my blog, 
don't worry about my credit history, don't take a hair sample, don't call a reference, 
and don't ask for transcripts. 
Because college will lie for me. Back the fuck off. 
Yeah, Real World, I just said F! Deal with it. 
College always did. 
You don't see too many people walking around with the signature black T shirt that says
 "REAL WORLD" in white block letters, do you? 
No, John Belushi wouldn't have worn that 
if you paid him with an eight ball of the narcotics of his choice. 
It's because no one likes you.

I think I've said enough.
 I know this whole thing has been kind of weird, 
but that's how I'm feeling right now, kind of weird. 
You seem to have that affect on people. 
Cheers to hoping you don't cause another honest, hard working person to jump off a bridge today.

Okay, so that's it.
Hope I didn't scare ya off too bad.
So stop on by and check out my other rants.

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